Now that I have been on this blogging journey for just over 6 months, I wanted to share a little bit of what Caterpillars 2 Butterflies is about for those that are new here.
Like many others I’m sure, I have been struggling the past few years to really figure out why I am actually here. For reasons I still haven’t uncovered, I have spent a lifetime hiding in the shadows, too insecure to even function right. My self-esteem was non-existant, my courage & strength were nowhere to be found, & there was no way in hell that I was going to use my voice to speak up about anything. My words didn’t matter. I hated confrontation so much, that I would rather endure much agony by simply staying silent. I lived within my ‘shell’, the protective walls I had built up. I refused to let anyone in. I was dealing with major depression, anxiety attacks, and ADHD…(undiagnosed until about 4-5 years ago.
I didn’t think I deserved anything…to be loved, to be happy, to have anything… I didn’t finish things. The older I got, I would start all sorts of projects, only to push them off to the side because I was afraid to finish them. I felt I didn’t deserve anything to be a success. That even fell true for my marriage. I did everything imaginable to try to sabotage it. I put him through 23 years of hell, because I just didn’t know how to love, or be loved. I tried to date a little, but that ended exremely badly. The roller coaster of my life was taking a toll, and the thoughts going through my head, well…it just wasn’t a good place. My ex-husband stepped in to pick up the pieces of my completely broken soul…and simply held those pieces together as best he could.
A dear friend stepped up and began to try and help me to heal. I was in such a dark place, it took some time. One morning I awoke with the phrase Caterpillars 2 Butterflies stuck in my head. I didn’t know why, where that came from, or what it was supposed to mean. I racked my brain for about 3 years to try and figure it out, but no luck. I tossed around so many ideas, but nothing ever clicked.
Then on Easter weekend of this year(2017), something happened. We went to church with that dear friend of mine, it just felt right that morning. Later that night, for the first time EVER…we had our first deep, heart to heart talk. I said things, admitted things, and he did the same. What was happening?? Then when I woke up that Monday morning, it was like the lightbulb came on. Every single thing in my life made sense. Every mistake, every experience, every thought…it all made sense. Caterpillars 2 Butterflies was MY LIFE. The lifetime of wandering lost in the world- that was me as the caterpillar. I had to endure that season of my life in order to move to the next step. The cocoon- this was the few years when I began trying to find the healing. And then overnight, the cocoon broke open, and I emerged as a new butterfly. Now, it is my purpose on this earth to motivate, inspire, and encourage others to take their steps to get through their own transformations. I am here to be their support during the process, whatever they may need.
There are so many things in store for the coming year…I am doing my prep work now, so that I can continue to evolve and build the motivational empire that I see in my mind.
So, hold your heads high. Never give up! Know that just like that, overnight, things can come full circle and make all the sense in the world!! Stick with me…and let’s build great things in the future.