The cold waves ravage my soul yet again. Why must I remember? Wasn’t the pain of long ago enough? It broke me then….I can’t allow it to break me now.
There are no rainbows here, no silver lining of good intentions. There is only pain and brokenness in those memories. Yet here they are on the precipice of my mind. Make them go away.
I want nothing to do with yesterday….yet, a part of me wants what it represented. Though I learned it was a false facade, it gave an illusion of love, and honesty, and how it should be. Then I quickly was reminded, yet again, that I will never truly know those things.
I have become a mere shell, wearing a mask for the world to see. I will never find happiness, because I don’t truly understand what it is. I will never find love, because I don’t believe I deserve it.
I watch others who seem to be so in love. How do they know?? How can that level of happy exist in a world so cruel? It can’t possibly be real, can it?