The walls are closing in today, the sun has faded from my sight. I will never be able to make anything of myself if I can’t learn to control my stupidity. I don’t mean to be so frivolous. Despite our numerous hardships over the years, at the fault of both of us, you would think that I should have adjusted to become the most fragile person in the world. But no, I still manage to blow a little too much money on stupid stuff, and barely survive paycheck to paycheck. Is there no end in sight? I tried to please a friend last night, but ironically the alcohol went to my head for once. I just couldn’t walk away. Going out for a couple turned into ‘oh just a few’ which led to the bottle back at home. I just didn’t know when to stop. Now, I’m sure if I looked really hard, there is an underlying reason why last night’s evening went horribly wrong. But, the thought of analyzing myself right now is pretty terrifying.
How am I ever going to save up to get my certifications and stuff that I need, or get things in place for the businesses I want to pursue? I need to believe that there in the illusion of the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. Otherwise, I might as well give up right now. I am choosing to share my moment of weakness today to remind everyone that we are all human. We all falter along the path. We may trip over a stone or jump a little too short to clear the brook on our way. Some days I so desperately want to just close my eyes and wiggle my nose and be able to wake up to a totally different life.
People always talk about will power when it comes to making changes in their life. Maybe it’s choosing to get healthier, or working on finances, or whatever the change may be. But what is ‘will power’ anyway?? When I Google it, the definition come up as ‘control exerted to do something or restrain impulses…. “most of our bad habits are due to laziness or lack of willpower”’. I’ve looked through several articles, and need to look at little deeper, and figure out how to strengthen my willpower. Serious changes have got to happen in my life, in order to move forward.
I will NOT give up on my dreams. I am here to help others…that is my ultimate purpose! And by sharing my meltdowns in order to overcome them, I hope that it resonates with others to be able to do the same. Sometimes we just need that moment to melt, to know (or at least hope) to not be judged too severely, take a deep breath and then refocus on our goals!
Thanks for listening today… Love you all ❤