Just a little meltdown…

The walls are closing in today, the sun has faded from my sight. I will never be able to make anything of myself if I can’t learn to control my stupidity. I don’t mean to be so frivolous. Despite our numerous hardships over the years, at the fault of both of us, you would think that I should have adjusted to become the most fragile person in the world. But no, I still manage to blow a little too much money on stupid stuff, and barely survive paycheck to paycheck. Is there no end in sight? I tried to please a friend last night, but ironically the alcohol went to my head for once. I just couldn’t walk away. Going out for a couple turned into ‘oh just a few’ which led to the bottle back at home. I just didn’t know when to stop. Now, I’m sure if I looked really hard, there is an underlying reason why last night’s evening went horribly wrong. But, the thought of analyzing myself right now is pretty terrifying.

How am I ever going to save up to get my certifications and stuff that I need, or get things in place for the businesses I want to pursue? I need to believe that there in the illusion of the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. Otherwise, I might as well give up right now. I am choosing to share my moment of weakness today to remind everyone that we are all human.  We all falter along the path. We may trip over a stone or jump a little too short to clear the brook on our way. Some days I so desperately want to just close my eyes and wiggle my nose and be able to wake up to a totally different life.

People always talk about will power when it comes to making changes in their life. Maybe it’s choosing to get healthier, or working on finances, or whatever the change may be. But what is ‘will power’ anyway?? When I Google it, the definition come up as ‘control exerted to do something or restrain impulses…. “most of our bad habits are due to laziness or lack of willpower”’. I’ve looked through several articles, and need to look at little deeper, and figure out how to strengthen my willpower.  Serious changes have got to happen in my life, in order to move forward.

I will NOT give up on my dreams. I am here to help others…that is my ultimate purpose! And by sharing my meltdowns in order to overcome them, I hope that it resonates with others to be able to do the same. Sometimes we just need that moment to melt, to know (or at least hope) to not be judged too severely, take a deep breath and then refocus on our goals!

Thanks for listening today… Love you all ❤


6 thoughts on “Just a little meltdown…

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  1. Great post, as you would have read will power is a resource just like stamina. It needs to be used effectively. As for finance basic tips like take cash not card when you go out and rounding money up every night really helps. Hope this helps we all have melt downs even Talking about it really helps – Keep it up 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My amazing friend, your courage to open your heart and to write about this is simply impressive. You touched my heart once again. I know it’s hard to see it that way, but every moment of falling is followed by an even greatet risen…as long as you keep your head up and your eyes to the sky…You are human, a wonderful, generous person…but still human. There will be days when your heart will hurt just like an open wound. And there will be moments when all you’ll want will be to lay down and cry. And you know what will you do? You’ll cry your tears, you’ll express this pain inside, you’ll curse maybe…but you will go on! You will look in the mirror and you’ll see there a warrior. And we, warriors never really surrender ☺. What you’re meant to be is above any moment of humanly weakness…above the pain and the every day struggle. So…there’s no other choice, really, but to succede…
    Warm hugs, prayers and love to guide you back if you ever get lost…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sweet Claudia, your words of encouragement always lift my heart.I can never thank you enough for all that you do!! It truly is because of conversations we have shared, that I find myself able to rise above even my weakest moments and share them as a tool to help inspire others! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! Healing hugs always returning to you my friend!!

      Liked by 1 person

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