No one understands her, but how could she honestly expect them to when she didn’t understand her herself. She felt like she believed in something didn’t even exist. There was no such thing as true love in her eyes, only contentment. And that seemed to cover every single emotion.
What was wrong with her?? What had happened to her to damage her this badly? This was an answer she simply didn’t know how to get. She thought she’d had a good childhood…what she remembered of it that is. So much was more like a blur.
She always felt like she was drowning in a world where she didn’t belong. She just didn’t fit in. Her eyes had always been a physical weakness for her. Multiple surgeries, starting kindergarten in glasses and a patch over one eye. It covered the stronger eye in an attempt to help the weaker eye recover. But all it did was make get stand out among the other kids and give them a reason to pick on her.
Being a chubby teenager on added to her misery…but by that point, she was so emotionally shut down that all she wanted to do was disappear and die. She just couldn’t take anymore. She struggled to make friends, she kept everything bottled up. When she would start to make friends, and share something personal with them, they always ran and told her parents.
She wanted to be loved so bad…but not a single not gave her the time of day. High school, well that was the cruelest of times. She allowed herself to get emotionally involved with a boy that only want to use her and then trash her.
Her story goes on and on with more stories of the same. She made wrong choices, put up with things that she shouldn’t gave, just for the sake of not being alone.
Thats the root…her fear of ending up alone and unwanted. Being adopted had scarred her after all. So she clung to anyone and everyone, often being mentally abused and abandoned. She needed to find the right help in order to heal.