Good grief already….break out of that shell!!

Why do we feel like we have to hide who we truly are sometimes? Are we that afraid that others won’t like us? My response to that is, why do we even care so much? Then there is the thought that we have been so conditioned to be a certain way, how do we ever figure out who we really are anyways? Society has certainly found a way to make even the most level headed people feel a little crazy sometimes.  It is so frustrating, but what do we do?! There has got to be a way to break the cycle and find our true selves.

For starters, you have to genuinely WANT to break that cycle. It may take some time, but if given an honest shot…who you are deep down will begin to come forward.  Maybe you really are that outspoken person that you secretly long to be.  You really can say what’s on your mind.  I think we tend to get so caught up in not wanting to offend someone, or hurt their feelings, that we filter our words to the point of not even wanting to say anything.  What good does that do? Absolutely none if we are honest.

We are truly doing such an injustice to ourselves, and even the world around us, when we pretend to be someone that we aren’t. Calling it whatever you want…wearing a mask, hiding behind a façade, living a lie….it all boils down to the same thing, and it is time to stand up for who you are and live to your fullest potential.  Maybe deep within you are a truly theatrical person that could easily be in the midst of a Broadway play. But, the circle that you grew up in constantly made fun of things such as that so you chose to hide your passion for the arts. Why?? It’s your life, not someone else’s!!

Maybe you wear your false façade among your work circle, or it could be your personal life, or even within the spiritual/religious part of your life. You know that the longer you try to portray something that you’re not, the harder it gets on you. You keep yourself so stressed out about things, literally making yourself sick.  That’s no way to live folks.  Believe me, I didn’t pick this kind of topic as a way to condemn or judge anyone!!!  I picked it because I have been tucked away behind a false façade of my own for far too long, and I am trying to break free.

I spent my entire life being this shy, quiet, overly timid person that never spoke up about anything. I hated confrontation, I despised that very idea of hurting someone’s feelings, I kept everything bottled up inside me for 45 years.  Every hurt I had experienced, every heartache, every pain, I tried to always hide my tears, I wore a ‘mask’ so that no one saw the overwhelming battle with depression and anxiety, the loneliness and isolation I felt…..a whole realm of feelings and emotions bottled up because I didn’t ever want to hurt anyone. So, I chose to internally damage myself because I thought that was a better alternative.

Well, at last, my shell is starting to break. Slowly, I am becoming the person that I should have been all my life.  I still don’t relish the fact that choices I may make could possibly end up hurting others, but I am so tired of living that way I have been. I owe it to myself, and to the world around me – to let the real me shine. I have been choosing to share my stories as a way to show others that change is possible.  Anything is obtainable, if you truly want it.

One thing I always try to stress is that you find the right support system to help you through whatever it is that you are dealing with.  For myself, that has been one of my biggest struggles in all of this.  I’ve not really felt like the right support has been there, and that is a horrible feeling.  It leads me to think that maybe I am again making the wrong choices.  But, I have to believe that I am.  And so I am letting the lack of support fuel me towards helping others.  Everyone deserves to know that they have someone in their corner at all times. Sometimes it may only be the more passive support – the things we say as praise and support…then others times it may be the active support, where I can actually have an active participation type role as my support.

I am finding my voice, making positive and tangible changes in my life.  I am becoming more outspoken, and it’s not that I don’t care about hurting other’s feelings anymore, but it’s more about speaking the truth about any situation. Sometimes the best medicine is the brutal, honest truth.  It allows others to see that you genuinely care, and only want what is best. I have no desire to become a vengeful person…that simply is not in my nature.  But, after years of wandering lost and trying to figure out my purpose for even being alive….I finally understand that it is to help others find and live up to their fullest potential.

 

 

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