Lessons learned the hard way

I’ve got a lot weighing on my mind…and it revolves around friendship. I’ve always felt like the one on the outside of all the circles. And, for the most part…I’ve been okay with that

The few people that I have ever been able to claim as friends…well, I often wonder when it comes down to it. Far too often, I find myself wondering why is it so hard to make TRUE friends? Why do I care so much… I try to protect the ones I care for, it seems to the point of pushing them away.

Am I the only one that has this struggle?? And more importantly, how do I overcome it? Maybe it’s a bit of my old ways trying to peek out – thinking do I really deserve to have anyone close to me?

I have been trying to look for the lesson here…because I seem to keep getting presented with similar situations. I dont know how to not care…I dont know how to not be protective…. Maybe its time to just worry about me for awhile. Focus on growing along my path.

Oh my this is going to be a difficult one. But, I can’t protect others even when I see them making the same mistakes I made. I just have to be there when they fall, and help them if they ask. Maybe that’s it… but doesn’t that contradict the path I thought I was to take??

Maybe it’s about sharing my stories…. And let people take what they need from that. Well, here’s to my lesson learned!! Hopefully I have pushed everyone away…time will tell.

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11 thoughts on “Lessons learned the hard way

  1. I’m so sorry this is wearing on your mind. I hope that it resolves soon. I’m not one for giving advice when it comes to this stuff and I feel like I can be a master at pushing others away because I’m way too opinionated. I just hope this resolves for you soon.

    This is making me think of my dear friend Anne. I’m not sure if you ever read my story about her, but I was sort of nagging her to change her ways and everything came crashing down, but not like expected. I wish I could offer you some help. Hugs πŸ’—

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, yea…it helps… I trying to accept that I just need to step back and simply put my stories out there. Up until about a year ago… Sure I gave friends my opinions, but I didn’t push real hard. I have finally come out of my shell and found my voice, and just dont want to see anyone get hurt…physically or emotionally….so, I speak up…and I guess, to some degree…nag.

      Its time to get back to my dreams, and let the rest work itself out…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think lots of people have trouble finding true friends. I’m 50 and I still have trouble but I find as I get older, my friends are physically less but I have much deeper friendships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have always been one that thought I had to have friends around me to feel valuable…or something like that. I am beginning to rethink that…as I realize, that honestly- well…true friends are almost none existent in my life now. I’m becoming ok with that, focusing on self healing…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had a time in my life where I felt that as well but I kept the door open to meeting new people and even old high-school friends. Just be open to that and I’m sure eventually you will find a couple of true friends. Focusing on yourself is never a bad idea. Good for you. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow this basically just described my life haha Over the years I’ve learned that it just takes a long long time for me to trust people and feel comfortable knowing that sometimes they actually have your best interest in mind. I think this was something I subconsciously was not aware of. And of course not everyone is like that but it was important for me to find those who are

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I too, have a very hard time completely trusting people. There is honestly,not a single person in my life that I have trusted with every single thought or feeling…. I always hold back… Even with my ‘best friend’… She knows the most…but, i hold back even with her…but with her, it has nothing to do with not trusting…but rather not wanting to burden her. I know everyone has their own issues, struggles, etc… I just dont want to add complications… So…I keep a lot to myself, still…

      Like

  4. It’s hard for most everyone to find “true” friends, but don’t give up. Do tell your stories, but also be a great listener. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, just like finding the right spouse/partner. Sometimes you have to just let yourself live. Let yourself be free and not try too hard.

    This is a thoughtful post about a topic that affects more people than you might realize.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. Being the listener has always been my greater gift, but this particular day, this particular friend… I saw me all over, and I spoke without thinking…I have since apologized to her…more for my peace than hers…but, I continue to be available if I am ever needed.

      Liked by 1 person

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