Seems like until you truly deal with those demons, you will always spend your time on the run. Those in the spotlight often keep running, because life is so hectic for them that there is no opportunity to reach for the true help they need. Through their songs, books, movies, whatever avenue… they sing, write, etc.. about the pain, the heartaches, the isolation, whatever is their heaviest thoughts as a way to help cope. And I’m sure that in their minds, they are trying so hard to help others not go down the same paths. In the glitz of their glamorous life, I think we forget that they are human too! And that we need to be there to return the help somehow.
I can remember a few years back when I was working on a book I was writing… and I had the main character battling life threatening nightmares. A demon creature was continually chasing her, more vicious each night. The harm and pain in the nightmare began to become reality. The demon creature was trying to kill her in her dream and almost succeeded in reality. I never understood where that dark story line came from. It was several years later that I began to truly battle the worst of my issues. I lived in two different worlds, at least that’s how it felt. I put on a mask every day, to hide how I really felt on the inside. I smiled on the outside – to the best of my ability – but, on the inside I was unraveling more and more by the day. I cried every day, but I never allowed others to see the tears.
I was trying so hard to please everyone else…be who they thought I needed to be, that I never took the chance to acknowledge what was going on inside. If I told someone, they wouldn’t believe me anyway. Or worse, they would say all the things that showed they would never understand. So, I hid my horror on the inside. I felt so helpless, so hopeless… I was such a burden, that’s how I felt. I wanted to die, I felt that everyone would be so much better once I was gone. Yes, I knew they would be sad at first, but they would move on. I commuted to work, like I have done for years…. every bridge I crossed, I would feel myself letting the car drift to the edge… I wanted it to be painful for me…
It wasn’t until I started with the cutting that I realized that the creature I had written about all those years ago, was finally coming to fruition. He didn’t care where he cut me…. he wanted the world to see that he was winning. That’s when I made the choice to reach for help. I still was very cautious, I was so afraid to trust anyone with my secret. Reading this, will actually be the first time that many will have a clue just how bad I had gotten.
But, I am choosing to share more and more of my story, because I want others to knows that there are those of us out there that do understand and are willing to help in any way we can. I don’t care how famous they are, or if they are homeless living on the streets…. demons are demons. And they need to be dealt with! So, please…..stop running! Reach out for help….trust someone….let’s find the path to inner peace and distinguish the demons once and for all!!!