We’ve all heard that term before. Oh ‘Bob is going through a mid life crisis getting that sports car!’ Or ‘Sally hit 50, and fell all to pieces!’ Is it really a “crisis”? No, not always. Now sure, there are some times when things do go to the extreme, like quitting jobs, moving across the country, leaving spouses, etc…but honestly, I think it is more a case of stretching your legs and finding your own identity.
Once you reach 45-50, your kids are most likely grown and moved on and suddenly you don’t have to be mom or dad anymore. So, who are you? Are you someone’s spouse? Are you just someone’s son or daughter? Maybe you have simply turned the page to that new chapter in your life where you need to find your TRUE identity. Believe me, that is not always an easy process.
Let me share a little with you. I had spent 20+ years being someone’s spouse and then mom to two wonderful kids. But in there somewhere, I totally lost sight of who I was…or who I thought I was. I chose to ask for a divorce, thinking that I needed to step back and reevaluate things a little. I even chose to go back to my maiden name. In my eyes, that step would help make a huge impact on finding who I really was. And, if I was really lucky…who I was supposed to be when it was all said and done.
Now bear in mind- I had fought a longtime battle with depression, anxiety, and those invisible illnesses as they are referred to these days. All of that had taken quite a toll on me emotionally. I had grown up never having a voice, always feeling like I didn’t matter, and a ton of other negative things. Self sabotage was truly one of my biggest flaws. But deep down, I knew I wanted to change.
I wanted to be someone who made a difference in the lives of others. I wanted to help others, but I just had no idea HOW I was supposed to do that. Even after going through the divorce and all the pain and aggravation I had caused, my significant other never gave up on me. Now, he didn’t exactly understand the invisible illnesses I had, not what to help or support me…but, he never gave up. And when I hit rock bottom, he was there to help me up.
It wasn’t until earlier this year, 25+years after first meeting, 23 of that being married…that we had our very first heart to heart, open and very honest conversation. I finally found my voice, to say exactly what I needed to say. I found my strength to stand up and try to become the person I wanted to be. I had made it through the mental/emotional part of this transformation journey.
Now, I share all of that history to show you, more or less, that it’s not always a “crisis”, but rather a transformation that is needing to happen. I finally realized that this was a huge part of what I was here to do. I had to go through all of that, to understand the importance of the journey. The hard times, the good times and everything in between. I had spent my life as the caterpillar. And after a couple of years in my cocoon…my new life is beginning. I have finally become the beautiful butterfly. Sure, I still have physical changes I want to fully complete that…but the inner transformation is what truly matters most!
I hope that by sharing my story, I can truly help someone else!! I will always be here to help and support anyone who needs it!!