It really amazes me how in the midst of a normal, everyday conversation..it triggers something that makes you really think about things on a deeper level.
When a child has to go through a surgery for whatever reason, it’s been my experience that as they come out of the anesthesia, a shift seems to happen. That triggered something in me.
Being born with severely crossed eyes, that meant that by age 5, I’d had 5 different surgeries to try and make the needed corrections. That last surgery – I believe a huge piece of me was left behind in that operating room. I have had so many struggles and emotional issues, it hit me today just how much of that started then.
The mask comes down over my face, I began to count to ten, and next thing I know I am sitting in the corner watching as doctors work on my eye. But how can that be?? What’s going on?? Wait… Where did everyone go?? The walls are stark white, one wall is half glass to see into the OR. It’s so cold in this hallway! I call out, but no one answers. I call out louder and louder until I am screaming at the top of my lungs. I begin to run down the hallway, but suddenly realize its like I’m going nowhere. The hallway has no end.
I notice the screams are no longer coming out of my mouth. What was the point? There was no one there to hear me. I could see people on the other side of the glass wall, but they couldn’t hear me – or were choosing to ignore me. My voice no longer mattered.
Wow – subconsciously, that very thought carried with me throughout my entire life. I never spoke up about anything!! I kept every happy thought, every sadness, every moment of anger deep inside! My voice would never be heard- so what’s the point! If someone did hear me, they wouldn’t care about what I was saying. That was just the way I believed in my heart.
Finally starting to realize this, has become a very liberating process. I share this to show that the opportunity for growth and change is always a possibility! It will take support…a lot of it. I am hoping that I can be that support for those that really need it. Trust me, sometimes you have to go outside your normal circle of family and friends.
Let’s do what it takes to no longer get left behind…